This is what I feel right now. TORN APART
The feeling of deciding if I should go or stay.
I have no other way to describe the situation without harming any people, so I will try to put it in a story, an allegory.
Her name is Miralani. She was the one who took care of me when my life was falling apart because I broke up with my ex girlfriend, Pachi. I have to leave Pachi because I was just truly hurt on the actions that she did. I felt betrayed. And until now, I still need some answer why she betrayed me? However, it took almost a year to recover from the hurt. I blocked everything about Pachi, in order to heal. And in that year, I was spending time with Miralani, who knew that I was hurting but was still there for me.
Miralani loves me. She texts me from time to time just to check on me. Even a simple notice of “I miss you,” makes me feel really special. Miralani helped me to heal my broken heart. Now, that it is whole again, my heart is beating for my first love. I don’t want to hurt Miralani. I want to continue to love her. I want to know and return the love that she gave me. She was there when I was at my worst. She cried and prayed for me. And, I really do want to stay with her.
But, Pachi is back. She is showing signs for reconciliation. She wants me back. She wants to resolve the mistakes that she did. We may have not have a real conversation yet about what really happened but I feel that Pachi is humble enough to talk to me again. My heart is beating. Do I still love Pachi? But every time that I see her, I can only feel the pain that she did to me. But, deep inside, I can recall all the wonderful memories that we did. I can recall the precious moments, the dreams, the goals, the laughter, and even the love that we shared. I do still love Pachi, but how about Miralani?
Is Miralani, just a rebound girlfriend?
I am torn apart. I don’t want to pick. I would rather hurt myself than one of them get hurt. Maybe, I should just stay away, far far away. This is my dilemma. I am torn apart.
Right there is my story, that is not real, however, it is an allegory, so the idea is real. There are plenty of symbolism included in that story.
I am just praying to God that I will make the right decision. Honestly, I don’t know what to do. Lord, give me a sign. The first one to show my deep desire and passion for you, then I know what to do.