The Forest, the Fear, the Future

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Hiding is over.

I took a hiatus. A break. A three-year break.

I did it because I needed to heal my heart, my mind, my soul, and my spirit. The spirit of depression took over my life. It was the darkest, scariest, and saddest moment of my life. I felt alone, abandoned, neglected, and unloved. It felt like I was the only one who was dealing with this unimaginable situation. I hated people. I hated my family. I hated my friends. I hated the church. I hated God.

I wanted it to be over. However, God reminded me of Paul, and his thorn. I need to rely on His grace, because that is enough for me. Someone reminded me of my transformation. He told me that when I was so depressed, that he could feel and see my sadness. But, now, he sees a joyous celebration. And, I see it too. There are still little things that lingers and dark clouds that reminds me of my past, but there is a bright future ahead of me. I no longer have to hide. I have shared my darkest past, I have shared my inner desire, I have shared my suffering, and I have shared my purpose in life.

I earned a degree in Biblical Studies. I will soon get my credentials as an AG pastor.

I am moving on with my career at work. I will soon partner with my church about my plans for the future. I am excited what lies ahead.

And, I am opening my heart to love again. I am opening myself to trust someone again. I am done hiding in the darkness, in the forest, in a place of loneliness. I am ready.

“Lord, take care of me. I have learned so much over the past three years. These experiences are now tools and life lessons for the future. Lord, continue to guide my heart, my mind, and my spirit. I will continue to serve you with all my heart, my mind, and my soul. Lord, have your way in me. Keep using me. Here I am Lord. Here I am. I am scared, but I know that I can trust you. I know that Your Grace is sufficient enough for me. Forgive me. Thank you. I love you. Amen. “

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