I have been attending Skyline Church Young Adult Sunday Night services. The Dream Again series has been reminding me of the dream that God gave me. The dream of young people changing from ordinary clothes to white robes. A dream about shepherding. A dream about changing lives.
However, just like Joseph in the Bible, there is a process; failures that shape us, mistakes that sharpen us, and pain that becomes experiences. Joseph had to go through abuse, betrayal, and even prison. But, I am no Joseph. Instead of trusting God, I rebel.
I rebel by not doing anything. Afraid to take a risk. Afraid to move forward. I would just rather sit than play. Pass hurt entangles me to move forward. Betrayal holds me down. Trust issues put me on check. And, failures remind me of my sin. Instead of trusting and giving it up to God, I do nothing. I wait. I sleep. I hibernate in deep darkness of loneliness.
Why me, Lord? Why do I have to dream?
Tonight, the pastor said, “God gave Joseph that dream because of Joseph’s heart and mind.” This blog is called Provider’s Hands, Heart, and Mind. God wants to remind me that I have a heart for His people. God wants to remind me that I have hands to hold the brokenhearted. God wants to remind me that I have a mind to grasp His presence and tell the others about Jesus. That’s why I teach. That’s why I promote awareness for mental illness. That’s why I have a heart for youth.
God is good. Here are two things I know about His love. First, in the prodigal son story, the father waited patiently for his son to return. God wants us to do whatever we want to do, but ultimately, He wants us to be in his home. The parable gives me the sense that God is always waiting for us to return back to Him. Second, the lost sheep and coin parables. The shepherd is willing to seek for that one lost sheep, meanwhile the woman is also willing to do everything to search for that lost coin. It is a reminder that God is seeking for us. He waits but he also seeks. Isn’t that amazing? It does not matter who we are, what we’ve done, or how sinful we are. God still loves us. However, the real problem is not understanding that God forgives and forgets, we understand that. It’s that, sometimes, we can not forgive ourselves. We make excuses that keep us from dreaming again. We make excuses that stop us from fulfilling what God wants us to be. We make excuses that hinder us from seeing his promise.
Can we just trust God?
The way Joseph trusted God when he was in the empty, dry, and dark hole well.
The way Joseph trusted God when he was a slave, beaten and abused.
The way Joseph trusted God when he was alone in prison.
The way Joseph trusted God even when the dream was far far away from happening.
Despite of all the circumstances in his life, HE KEEPS ON DREAMING!
“Lord, make me dream again. But, this time, I want to be better. Revive every part of me. Renew my heart, cleanse my soul, and flow through my spirit. Remind me of your goodness. I trust You. I want to dream again. Amen.”