One of the youth from my church asked me, “Why are you still not married? I think you’ll be a great husband and a good dad.”
I can tell so many reasons, but I know those are more like excuses so I candidly replied, “I want all my money to myself.”
Then the youth added, “You are getting old!”
Ouch! And the youth continued, “Who is this woman that hurt you so bad?”
For a second, I thought this is the Holy Spirit convicting me.
It made me think throughout the night. I can give so many reasons and excuses, but honestly, I am just deeply broken, that I think Jesus is the only love of my life right now.
I told the youth, “She will come, on the right time. For now, I’m okay being single.”
Two weeks ago, I went out to meet someone, even though it wasn’t a date or whatever, I had a great time with her. It’s been a while since I actually have a one-on-one conversation with a girl, and I like her too. I was surprised that I still got my ways and jokes.
However, after that night, my stupid schema were all flared up. I was so depressed for almost three days. I was frustrated, easily annoyed, and super sensitive. I thought about my ex, my used to be closest friends, and even families that I used to be with. All these negative thoughts again, inside my stupid head! And that was that Labor Day weekend, good thing my family went for a hike, and it totally kicked me back to my senses.
Hopefully, this is my first step facing my deepest struggle. Maybe, I can finally commit again.