Build My Life

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And I will build my life upon your love it is a firm foundation. And I will put my trust in you alone and not retake it

One can look okay but deep inside that person is hurting. One can look happy but deep inside that person is crying. One can look so rich but deep inside that person is poorly broken. Most people continue to build their life on wrong foundation when the storm comes, it will tear them apart.

I believe that without Christ, I’ve been long gone and dead. There are times that I’m losing hope. An episode of depression sucks that life out of me. I just want to stay home and sometimes I just want to run away. I want to cry but tears are not falling. I’m so broken but at the end of the day, I cling to Christ. I know that one day, every pain, every sorrow, every suffering, and even depression will be gone. I have build my life in that trust. And I hope that others out there can see that there is hope in Christ because life sucks but there are people out there that love us.

Recently, I’ve been remembering painful childhood memories. The hardest part is acknowledging it that it happened and there is nothing I can do but to accept it. However, the emotional and psychological toll feels so great. There is so much hate in me but I don’t want to hate. It sucks. I pray to God, I give it to Him. I don’t want these memories, but there they are. Then the feeling of abandonment ensues even though I know I am not abandoned. It sucks. I just want it gone. But it is there, and I have to accept it to heal.

I know God is in control even when things are so hard to understand. I trust in Him. He is all I got left. I know He knows. I know….

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