Diary Entry: My hope in Christ


This is an emotional, unedited, and raw entry of what I’m feeling. If I hurt you, I’m sorry.

Three weeks working from 6:00AM to sometimes 6:00PM. An hour or so break means an hour nap in between. I can already feel my body weakening. I feel like a 90 year old man. My feet, my legs, my arms, and my head are all hurting. If I get dehydrated, migraine comes. If I sweat or got my heart pumping, exhaustion comes. And, now I might have to deal with TMJ, because my jaw has been hurting for three weeks now. And then, if I tell my doctor that I have black stool, and rectal bleeding, they might do a colonoscopy for internal bleeding. This is too much, I just want to sleep. I’m tired. But, I can’t give up.

My hope in Christ is the only strength that I have that keeps me breathing. I want my life to be an instrument for His glory. I want to be in ministry again. I want to serve and preach the gospel. I want to lead again. But for now, I have to take care of myself, and maybe blogging is the only ministry I can do for now.

Few years ago, I told God that even if I can no longer lift my hands, jump with praise, or sing my heart out to Him, I will still worship His name. I will still love Him. I will still proclaim His glory. I will still live my life in Christ. And, I will still have my joy and hope in Him. That is why, I am not giving up. I am hurting, physically, mentally, and emotionally with this disease. I feel weak, tired, and drained, but I will always praise His name, I will always will.