Instead of the flood of emotions that I had been expecting, I felt nothing but a void in my heart. I have been staring at this page for so long, don’t know how to start. Happy? Sad? Angry? Stress? Apathy? I do not want to blame anybody, I do not want to blame anything. I want to own up this feeling of nothingness.
It feels like I’m just driving around an overparked lot looking for a space to settle. A space to be calm, be quiet, and maybe release something out of me. Maybe, that is why I’m writing…
I’m writing to see the words come out of me. To see what I truly feel. To see what’s really going inside my head? But, will I even click the publish button? Will I edit and remove words for privacy? Will I understand this emotion?
I want to do something that I can’t do. I miss someone but I don’t know who. I am angry about something that I shouldn’t be? I’m sad about one thing that I cannot say. Interesting, don’t you say?
I told my doctor I’m okay, but am I okay? Or, I’m just too tired to give her the truth. If there is one thing that I can say that is true; I am tired. Yes, I am so tired.