Physical Assurance

I’m not gonna lie, I miss someone.

These past few days, I am fighting depression once more.

Is it the time change? The weather? Holidays coming up? I’m graduating?

Last Thursday, I played volleyball. I had so much fun, too fun… because that night, I went from super high to super low. I was avoiding that but I needed to play, to hit, to scream, and to get excited. However, I knew that that the outcome afterwards when I am all alone in my room, that it will be a total abyss of oblivion.

I went outside. I played with my nephew. I tried to fight it. But, deep inside, I was crying.

Even today, I heard a name that triggered my past.

At church today, even though the sermon was about something else, I was praying to God, and I got a lit teary. I miss Him.

It is quite strange that I go to Bible School, I teach Sunday School, I go to church, and yet, I miss God. Interesting right?

Depression is tough. It makes me want to quit life. But, I know that I am way beyond this.

But right now, I just want to someone to tell me, that it is okay to not be okay.

I am writing so I can just release it. I will be okay.

Sincerely, Jireh