Kailangan Ko’y Ikaw – The Meaning behind the Lines

I wrote this lyric unbeknownst that I was writing the masked pain that I was dealing with in my high school year. It was my junior year, when my symptoms of PTSD and Depression started occurring. There were reasons why I was so emotional during my High School years.

The line, “sa dami-dami ng kasalanang ginagawa. Ni hindi di ko na alam kung saan nagsimula,” (all the the sins that I have committed, I don’t even know when it began.), is me expressing my anguish and pain about the abuse when I was young. I always thought that it was all my fault.

The line, “Meron din akong sariling iniisip. Umiiyak tuwing gabi, laging nanaginip.” (I have so many things in my mind, I have nightmares and I cry at night.), is me expressing the nightmares that I want to avoid, and I do not want to deal with.

The following lines are just to continue the flow of the chorus because this is a love song. Actually, I think the “baby girl” that I was talking about is, “Ligaya.” She is married with kids now, I think.

This is my English translation:

(Part 1 – My story) You know me, my name is Jireh. Just a simple guy, but have so many problems. I have done so many bad things, I don’t know where to start. There is so much troubles and mistakes. It is always my fault. They don’t know that I am hurting too when they cry because I have my own problems, that nobody knows. I cry at night and I have nightmares. (Part 2 – love song lines) But, I met you, and things change. I am happy that I met you. I have forgotten about my pain. Oh baby girl, where are you? I think I need you because I think I have fallen for you.

It is nice to hear it again and dissect the lyrics. It is a great reminder the changes that one has to go through. A way of saying, “You have done well, my child. This was you, this is you now.”